Tonight we're going to party like its 2002...

i am regressing.
hardcore.
yesterday i decided that i was still in my senior year at OSU instead of in my second year of law school.
it was 70 degrees and sunny. its never sunny here (hence, the waiting for the sun...). so i have class in the morning, that i went to. then i went to the park with KN and took her 160 lb. puppy for a walk. after that, i went home and changed clothes for class, and KN and i got soem mexican.
and somehow, KN convinced me to get a margarita. i think this is were the trouble began. i thought, one margi before class won't be bad, and we were watching an hour long video anyways, so i wouldn't really have to be too focused.
too bad this little lunchtime margi was hella strong. and that turned into KN talking about going out after my class, and that led to, let's just go out now.
and so, i skipped my class, and went to the bar at 4 pm. and was in my bed by 10 pm. Six hours or wonderful afternoon drinking.
it was a perfect wanna-still-be-in-undergrad day.

belief system

I BELIEVE:

in my family - even when i'm yelling at screaming at them, they're still there.
in the goddesses - the closest girls i have to sisters, they never fail me
in 66 & 71 West norwich - my family for 4 years in undergrad. no one has what we all had. we were so lucky
that children really are our future - seriously, we have to keep taking care of kids so that we're old we have someone to take care of us, and you know, wipe our asses for us when we can't anymore
in music - sometimes a stupid lyric can stay in your heart forever, and get you thru the worst day of your life or that song you hear in the morning stays with you for 3 days, and without knowing it, you hum it and somehow you focus on the stressful stuff just a little bit less.

that you need to know who you are and understand where you have before you can ever try to be that person that you want to be in the future
that there will be both an african american president and a female president in my lifetime
that brie, bread and a good glass of red wine is a perfect meal
in humor - if i didn't laugh at myself at least once a day, i'd cry my eyes out constantly
that good friends are like free therapy
in the power of the pen - words have so much strength and so much power
that there's nothing hotter than a guy on a stage with a guitar
that you can still be loney in a room full of people
in the ohio state buckeyes
that even if you feel like you can't, if you try hard enough, you can
that somethign better is out there, and someday i'll find it
in dancing to your own beat
in myself (most days)

"there's the people you've known forever. who like....know you....in this way. that other people can't. they've seen you change. they've let you change." --- angela. "my so-called life"

i talked to my best firends last night. RK and AK. we all live in different cities. we did the next best thing to actually hanging out together: we did a conference call that lasted 3 hours and got wasted together.

i needed it. and i thank them for it. sometimes, to figure out who you are, and what you might be, you need to talk to people who know where you've been. and who know you better than you know yourself.



oh, shout out to AK. She's a M4, and matched in CHICAGO!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

Do you remember?

Do you remember when we first met? i sure do
it was some time in early september
you were lazy about it, you made me wait around
i was so crazy about you i didn't mind

i was late for class, i locked my bike to yours
it wasn't hard to find, you painted flowers on it
i guess that i was afraid that if you rolled away
you might not roll back my direction real soon

i was crazy about you then and now
the craziest thing of all is over ten years have gone by
and you're still mine, we're locked in time
let's rewind

do you remember when we first moved in together?
the piano took up the living room
you played me boogie-woogie i played you love songs
you'd say we're playing house now you still say we are

we built our getaway up in a tree we found
we felt so far away but we were still in town
now i remember watching that old tree burn down
i took a picture that i don't like to look at

well al these times they come and go
and alone don't seem so long
over ten years have gone by
we can't rewind, we're locked in time
but you're still mine
do you remember?

- jack johnson: Do you Remember

i just bought the new jack johnson album today since i was bummed. and then i heard this song, and it's just like how i'm feeling with the whole AD thing. we're still doing the same shit to each other that we did 10 years ago.

the letdown

its funny how people can let you down so badly and not even know. generally i don't take a lot of stock in people. its the rare few that i actually feel like i can depend on. i'm used to the majority of the people in my life letting me down, so when one of the select few that i care about do it, its like this devastating blow that throws everything in my world off balance.

case in point: A.D. we've been friends for 10 years. since our freshmen year in high school. he's my back-up. he is (was, i haven't decided yet) one of my best friends. we talk almost every day. granted, its over IM, but still, everyday. we're each other's backup. we talk about what its going to be like when we get married. how our kids will hate us because we'll be so much funnier than them. and, sucks to be me since i have apparently held AD to a higher standard than the rest of the guys in my life.

i was home for a week. an entire week without class. a week where AD and i are actually in the same city for once. and he knows i'm home. and we never get to see eachother. so out of the 10 days i was in town, he called me once. ONCE. we hung out once by ourselves, after i'd already been home for a full week. and we saw eachother two other times other than that for mutual friends' birthday outings. normally, this wouldn't bother me this much, but before i even came home we'd talked about hanging out. just chilling and doing stupid shit like watching kung fu movies on his new gigromous t.v. or grabbing dinner at my favorite restaurant. but none of that happened.

and on the nights that we were out for the birthdays, he barely talked to me. he flirted with other girls in front of me! this shouldn't bother me, but it really did. it was the culmination of the whole week of AD basically forgetting that we're friends. he didn't even answer phone calls from me! i called him yesterday to see if he needed a ride since i had to drive (by myself!) to julie's party, and he never called me back. he calls everyone back! i've seen him. he was all "i figured i would just see you here".

it was really upsetting to me. he's not supposed to be that guy. he's supposed to be AD. one of my favorite boys. one of my best friends. he's supposed to help make things better, not worse. he's not supposed to be one of the boys that makes me cry.

i heart....

i have a crush.
a boy in my class.
he's dreamy.
he's super smart.
and funny.
and really nice.

he always looks happy to see me
and he comes and reads with me during office hours.

he bought me a daisy for valentine's day....

......he's a really good kisser